Another year has gone by without our first baby. Navigating what bringing a living child into this world feels like with a previous loss is so complex. It's been a complete year of loving another child who we found out about on this week last year but also another complete year of grieving the first … Continue reading 2.
I had a live birth.
Looooong time coming is an understatement. Rowan’s birth story. I’ll preface this with letting you all know how uneventful the whole thing was. If you picture how it usually happens in a movie that’s pretty much how it went down with maybe a little bit more trauma considering how anxious we were after Ben’s story, … Continue reading I had a live birth.
becoming mommy.
the baby that chose us finally made it earth side. Rowan Elliot Welch. I'll start in my honest babe fashion and get straight to the point... newborns are fucking hard. anyone who says they love the newborn stage didn’t have a babe who went through the colic phase. other moms do talk about it being … Continue reading becoming mommy.
do all the things.
As we round out to the final month of this journey, which could still end fatally. The thought still always in the back of our minds. I want to reflect on one things I have learned along the way over the past 9 months. Just in case another PAL mama stumbles across my blog at … Continue reading do all the things.
30 weeks + 2 days.
An odd milestone in your mind, in my mind... We made it. This is one of the happiest moments of my life. Waking up each day this week feeling our little babe move around allowed me to walk into both my appointments this week without anxiety for the first time this whole pregnancy. I gave … Continue reading 30 weeks + 2 days.
Rowan.
I am so excited for Rowan that it usually makes my heart hurt. I am so excited that it gives me anxiety. This little voice in the back of my head calls me a fool and tells me to chill out on the excitement because you still have four months to go. I'm so excited … Continue reading Rowan.
i love you.
I don't want to compare pregnancies but with each appointment making the idea more concrete in my head it's hard not to reflect on what feels different this time around. I loved/love Benjamin. Don't ever doubt that. But with Benjamin I was more worried about myself. You can see that from my last blog post … Continue reading i love you.
1.
one year. wow. as i sit here and reflect, i keep interrupting my own thoughts. this isn't a year that i want to reflect on. a year ago in my desperation i didn't know where i'd be a year down the road what i did know is that i would be better. i knew that … Continue reading 1.
the next step in our journey.
It happened. Around eight months into our journey we found out a family friend had lost their baby. My bodies initial reaction was to cry and feel sick to my stomach. My thoughts went straight to guilt because I thought I had wanted someone who knew what I was feeling but as soon as we … Continue reading the next step in our journey.
empty rooms.
you buy a house, with plans to make it a home. maybe it has 3, 4, 5 bedrooms. you check that off your list. you start to picture the future. you remember your room as a child and everything your parents provided for you. you imagine providing for someone in the same way. & that's … Continue reading empty rooms.
