I am so excited for Rowan that it usually makes my heart hurt. I am so excited that it gives me anxiety. This little voice in the back of my head calls me a fool and tells me to chill out on the excitement because you still have four months to go. I'm so excited … Continue reading Rowan.
i love you.
I don't want to compare pregnancies but with each appointment making the idea more concrete in my head it's hard not to reflect on what feels different this time around. I loved/love Benjamin. Don't ever doubt that. But with Benjamin I was more worried about myself. You can see that from my last blog post … Continue reading i love you.
1.
one year. wow. as i sit here and reflect, i keep interrupting my own thoughts. this isn't a year that i want to reflect on. a year ago in my desperation i didn't know where i'd be a year down the road what i did know is that i would be better. i knew that … Continue reading 1.
the next step in our journey.
It happened. Around eight months into our journey we found out a family friend had lost their baby. My bodies initial reaction was to cry and feel sick to my stomach. My thoughts went straight to guilt because I thought I had wanted someone who knew what I was feeling but as soon as we … Continue reading the next step in our journey.
empty rooms.
you buy a house, with plans to make it a home. maybe it has 3, 4, 5 bedrooms. you check that off your list. you start to picture the future. you remember your room as a child and everything your parents provided for you. you imagine providing for someone in the same way. & that's … Continue reading empty rooms.
in betweeners.
I am mostly a person who always has to have a plan. The more chaos or unstructured plans that come into my life the more overwhelmed I feel. Whether it's a set schedule for weekly meals, a do-list at work or an itinerary for an upcoming trip, I am usually always prepared. I function at … Continue reading in betweeners.
the summer without Benjamin.
Summer is my favorite season. I am actually pretty bitter that it is already the first week of Fall. Not that we even get many seasonal days here in California. I mean, I do love pumpkin flavored everything and cozy socks, but I'll miss my tan lines and the pool days more. & honestly who … Continue reading the summer without Benjamin.
