I am embarrassed to realize that it has actually been a whole year since my last blog post. I had many posts drafted in my head and the note section of my phone. Anytime I came up with something I deemed worthy of sharing with my small following I would start to write it out … Continue reading 3.
do all the things.
As we round out to the final month of this journey, which could still end fatally. The thought still always in the back of our minds. I want to reflect on one things I have learned along the way over the past 9 months. Just in case another PAL mama stumbles across my blog at … Continue reading do all the things.
Rowan.
I am so excited for Rowan that it usually makes my heart hurt. I am so excited that it gives me anxiety. This little voice in the back of my head calls me a fool and tells me to chill out on the excitement because you still have four months to go. I'm so excited … Continue reading Rowan.
i love you.
I don't want to compare pregnancies but with each appointment making the idea more concrete in my head it's hard not to reflect on what feels different this time around. I loved/love Benjamin. Don't ever doubt that. But with Benjamin I was more worried about myself. You can see that from my last blog post … Continue reading i love you.
29.
As I sit down to write my January blog, I realize that it must be obvious I have been procrastinating, as it is the last day of January. It has been really hard deciphering my thoughts these past couple of months. I've been busy mentally to say the least. Besides coming to terms with having … Continue reading 29.
1.
one year. wow. as i sit here and reflect, i keep interrupting my own thoughts. this isn't a year that i want to reflect on. a year ago in my desperation i didn't know where i'd be a year down the road what i did know is that i would be better. i knew that … Continue reading 1.
the next step in our journey.
It happened. Around eight months into our journey we found out a family friend had lost their baby. My bodies initial reaction was to cry and feel sick to my stomach. My thoughts went straight to guilt because I thought I had wanted someone who knew what I was feeling but as soon as we … Continue reading the next step in our journey.
empty rooms.
you buy a house, with plans to make it a home. maybe it has 3, 4, 5 bedrooms. you check that off your list. you start to picture the future. you remember your room as a child and everything your parents provided for you. you imagine providing for someone in the same way. & that's … Continue reading empty rooms.
the summer without Benjamin.
Summer is my favorite season. I am actually pretty bitter that it is already the first week of Fall. Not that we even get many seasonal days here in California. I mean, I do love pumpkin flavored everything and cozy socks, but I'll miss my tan lines and the pool days more. & honestly who … Continue reading the summer without Benjamin.
it’s a boy.
Most people will tell you the best day of their life was the day their kid was born. For me the day our baby was born was the worst day of my life... maybe that further puts my life into perspective for you. Seems like a morbid way to start a blog post, but hey … Continue reading it’s a boy.
the honest babe. 