the little moments. little holidays. valentines day. easter. the first day of summer. mothers day. fathers day. fourth of july. the fourth of fucking july. What does a dead baby have to do with independence day? And why am I still writing about a dead baby? Well, I thought I'd slip through the crack of … Continue reading here i am.
check on your “strong friend”.
Six months. A half of one year. 182 days. The worst of my life. When I reread my previous posts, I notice that I keep mentioning making it to the other side. What six months has taught me is there is no "other side". I don't think there will ever be an "other side" to … Continue reading check on your “strong friend”.
here’s the kicker.
Life is what you make it... until it isn't. I've always been a firm believer that the choices you make today impact your life for years to come. It is important to form healthy & consistent habits. It is important to make decisions and take actions on things in order to ensure you fulfill your … Continue reading here’s the kicker.
who am i?
I want to go back to 2017. I want to go back to innocence. I want to go back to what now seems like oblivion. Sometimes I look back at my pictures from 2017. I see a completely different person. I can feel her happiness. I can feel her excitement. She radiates with with a … Continue reading who am i?
it’s true what they say.
around 2 months after the event that changes YOUR life forever. the rest of the world moves on. you will get the occasional well meaning friend or family member who checks in at a surface level. once in a while some one you haven't seen since the event or someone who is a little bit … Continue reading it’s true what they say.
I had a stillbirth.
Here comes one of the hardest things I have ever written. Two Thousand Eighteen was a nightmare of a year for us. If I had been told how hard it was going to be prior to the start I would be in disbelief. My life was content before 2018, I thought I had learned all … Continue reading I had a stillbirth.
go hug your mama or baby mama.
To say the last 5 months have been crazy is an understatement. As I dive into my 6th month of being pregnant, things are becoming more and more like a plane going through severe turbulence with moments of relief when the plane levels out and then a peace of mind shines through the clouds because the flight only … Continue reading go hug your mama or baby mama.
the state of being no longer alive.
Once you lose someone close to you very unexpectedly your perspective on life and death changes drastically. At least this is the case for me. Death is inevitable and one day we will all know it. Suddenly the thought of death surrounds me at every corner. Anxiety keeps me awake and ravages my mind every time my husband … Continue reading the state of being no longer alive.
morning sickness or first trimester hang over.
Ok, lets just talk about morning sickness for a quick second. First of all, why the fuck are they/we even still calling it "Morning Sickness", when everywhere you read it says, "though not technically specific to the morning time". Let's be real-- the sickness lasts all day or at least for a majority of the … Continue reading morning sickness or first trimester hang over.
sometimes the past haunts me.
For some reason, recently I have been stuck thinking about things in the past that I obviously can't change. Things that obviously made me who I am. Things that obviously suck but there is no reason to be crying over spilled milk at this point in my life. Maybe it is the hormones. Going on 9 … Continue reading sometimes the past haunts me.
