I am mostly a person who always has to have a plan. The more chaos or unstructured plans that come into my life the more overwhelmed I feel. Whether it's a set schedule for weekly meals, a do-list at work or an itinerary for an upcoming trip, I am usually always prepared. I function at … Continue reading in betweeners.
the summer without Benjamin.
Summer is my favorite season. I am actually pretty bitter that it is already the first week of Fall. Not that we even get many seasonal days here in California. I mean, I do love pumpkin flavored everything and cozy socks, but I'll miss my tan lines and the pool days more. & honestly who … Continue reading the summer without Benjamin.
it’s a boy.
Most people will tell you the best day of their life was the day their kid was born. For me the day our baby was born was the worst day of my life... maybe that further puts my life into perspective for you. Seems like a morbid way to start a blog post, but hey … Continue reading it’s a boy.
some of us.
Deciding you want to have kids is weird. You either want them or you don’t. You either are in that part of your life or you’re not. Yeah sure it’s happens by what some people call an “accident” or you didn’t know it was what you wanted until it happened. There are even some people … Continue reading some of us.
here i am.
the little moments. little holidays. valentines day. easter. the first day of summer. mothers day. fathers day. fourth of july. the fourth of fucking july. What does a dead baby have to do with independence day? And why am I still writing about a dead baby? Well, I thought I'd slip through the crack of … Continue reading here i am.
check on your “strong friend”.
Six months. A half of one year. 182 days. The worst of my life. When I reread my previous posts, I notice that I keep mentioning making it to the other side. What six months has taught me is there is no "other side". I don't think there will ever be an "other side" to … Continue reading check on your “strong friend”.
here’s the kicker.
Life is what you make it... until it isn't. I've always been a firm believer that the choices you make today impact your life for years to come. It is important to form healthy & consistent habits. It is important to make decisions and take actions on things in order to ensure you fulfill your … Continue reading here’s the kicker.
who am i?
I want to go back to 2017. I want to go back to innocence. I want to go back to what now seems like oblivion. Sometimes I look back at my pictures from 2017. I see a completely different person. I can feel her happiness. I can feel her excitement. She radiates with with a … Continue reading who am i?
it’s true what they say.
around 2 months after the event that changes YOUR life forever. the rest of the world moves on. you will get the occasional well meaning friend or family member who checks in at a surface level. once in a while some one you haven't seen since the event or someone who is a little bit … Continue reading it’s true what they say.
I had a stillbirth.
Here comes one of the hardest things I have ever written. Two Thousand Eighteen was a nightmare of a year for us. If I had been told how hard it was going to be prior to the start I would be in disbelief. My life was content before 2018, I thought I had learned all … Continue reading I had a stillbirth.
