I am embarrassed to realize that it has actually been a whole year since my last blog post. I had many posts drafted in my head and the note section of my phone. Anytime I came up with something I deemed worthy of sharing with my small following I would start to write it out … Continue reading 3.
empty rooms.
you buy a house, with plans to make it a home. maybe it has 3, 4, 5 bedrooms. you check that off your list. you start to picture the future. you remember your room as a child and everything your parents provided for you. you imagine providing for someone in the same way. & that's … Continue reading empty rooms.
the summer without Benjamin.
Summer is my favorite season. I am actually pretty bitter that it is already the first week of Fall. Not that we even get many seasonal days here in California. I mean, I do love pumpkin flavored everything and cozy socks, but I'll miss my tan lines and the pool days more. & honestly who … Continue reading the summer without Benjamin.
some of us.
Deciding you want to have kids is weird. You either want them or you don’t. You either are in that part of your life or you’re not. Yeah sure it’s happens by what some people call an “accident” or you didn’t know it was what you wanted until it happened. There are even some people … Continue reading some of us.
check on your “strong friend”.
Six months. A half of one year. 182 days. The worst of my life. When I reread my previous posts, I notice that I keep mentioning making it to the other side. What six months has taught me is there is no "other side". I don't think there will ever be an "other side" to … Continue reading check on your “strong friend”.
who am i?
I want to go back to 2017. I want to go back to innocence. I want to go back to what now seems like oblivion. Sometimes I look back at my pictures from 2017. I see a completely different person. I can feel her happiness. I can feel her excitement. She radiates with with a … Continue reading who am i?
I had a stillbirth.
Here comes one of the hardest things I have ever written. Two Thousand Eighteen was a nightmare of a year for us. If I had been told how hard it was going to be prior to the start I would be in disbelief. My life was content before 2018, I thought I had learned all … Continue reading I had a stillbirth.
the state of being no longer alive.
Once you lose someone close to you very unexpectedly your perspective on life and death changes drastically. At least this is the case for me. Death is inevitable and one day we will all know it. Suddenly the thought of death surrounds me at every corner. Anxiety keeps me awake and ravages my mind every time my husband … Continue reading the state of being no longer alive.
sometimes the past haunts me.
For some reason, recently I have been stuck thinking about things in the past that I obviously can't change. Things that obviously made me who I am. Things that obviously suck but there is no reason to be crying over spilled milk at this point in my life. Maybe it is the hormones. Going on 9 … Continue reading sometimes the past haunts me.
the discovery.
I love to watch movies that make me think. I watch a lot of documentaries and crime stuff. Why is what goes on in the criminal justice system and in a murder's mind so fucking interesting? Anyways, I watched this movie on Netflix last night, The Discovery. The basic premise, without giving too much away--- This guy creates a … Continue reading the discovery.
the honest babe. 