So, the other day at work as one of my young female co-workers was leaving the building after a long work day she said, “Got to go to the grocery, then cook, then go to the gym. Ha, it’s like I’m a wife of something”. What the fuck is that supposed to mean, bitch? Initially this kind of irritated me. Clearly, this isn’t everyone’s perspective of a “wife”, she is obviously just an ignorant person.
Well, I was offended and it got me thinking about the stigmas that surrounds the title of husband and wife or mere status of being married versus being unmarried.
Let me first say that going to the grocery, cooking for yourself and then hitting the gym after work are all things that are universally done by all genders and grown ass people alike. Nothing about that statement compares you to a wife.
Now, it isn’t just this girl’s comments that offended me, but I can’t tell you how many times before getting married people made similar comments about how doing these things is “taking care of your husband”. Like, to an extent yes– but being a wife is much more than that and to me these are really out dated views on marriage. If you like to do those things for your husband, you are a great person. If you don’t think you should have to do those things to maintain your marriage, you are a great person. Marriage is balance just like everything else in life. What works for one couple doesn’t work for every couple. Some people have this idea of marriage, that it should be a certain way. At one point in time I even thought there was a certain way it was suppose to be. I am by no means an expert but after one year in, I have an entirely different perspective on marriage to say the least.
Sometimes I got comments that went in another direction. That direction being that after your married you won’t have as much fun, you’re stuck hanging out with your significant other and you’ll basically become some boring ass troll who sucks the fun out of everything. Ok, I will put some reigns on the dramatics– but still the comments I’ve gotten weren’t that far off. Some people are just boring and don’t want to do anything outside of married life relms. Likewise, some people are fun and like to live their life to the fullest without marriage really having an effect on it. Do you know how many times people have said to me, “oh but you’re married”? Like being married makes me a complete different species from them.
There are truly unfair stigmas when it comes to marriage. Maybe you have experienced them, maybe you haven’t.
Personally, I enjoy being married. I am still me. I have a different last name. I wear two rings on my left hand. I still do the things I’ve always like to do. In my eyes, nothing about me has changed as far as my level of fun or personality. What has changed is my confidence about my choice to stay committed to my husband. It’s changed my perspective on my relationship in the sense that I now know that whatever shit goes down this other human has my back. Being able to hang out with my best friend every day is a perk of being married not something I should be made to feel shameful about. I don’t just throw around the term best friend — my husband is truly someone that I enjoy spending time with no matter what it is we are doing. If anything, we are over here having double the fun because we can now do things together and separately with full trust in the other person’s commitment.
Listen here girl who is too immature to understand this concept — I grocery shopped, I cooked and I worked out before I was ever married. That didn’t suddenly make me a wife. Doing those things on a daily basis made me a functional adult and it led to another functional adult wanting to wife me up. And maybe that is where I am getting offended too easily. Maybe she meant to say, “Oh look at me, someone should wife me up”. That statement I can respect.
Did you ever think that maybe before I was married I liked to stay in on weeknights and be well rested for my next day at work? Did it ever cross your mind that maybe I enjoy my husbands company more than strangers at a bar or party?
Marriage should empower you and it should make you feel good about yourself and your partner. Other people– especially other people who aren’t married or even in a flippin’ real relationship should not give advice and they should also not continue to carry on with these garbage marriage shaming stigmas. If marriage changes you maybe you’ve matured for the better or maybe you’re married to the wrong person– but who am I to be the judge of that.