Before writing about this topic it is something I have been thinking about for a solid month now after an interaction I had that left me feeling kind of sad, to be honest.

Recently I have gone out of my comfort zone and hung out with some girls from work. It is weird for me because my set of friends has always been mostly the same people since high school or even before that era of my life. This is the first time in my life also that some of the people I work with are actually around my age, have similar interests and mindsets and live local to myself. That has made it a little bit easier to befriend them. 

Well upon hanging out with them and getting to know them through social media and daily interactions– I discovered this whole community of tomboys who grew up with dads who taught them about and how to ride motorcycles. I’ve been a tomboy since birth, that’s how I knew these were my people.IMG_9945

Kind of a side note: Most of the girls I grew up with and have been friends with over the past couple decades, I would not consider tomboys. These girls taught me to be more girly… They influenced this aspect of my life very heavily– and this is seriously the first time I am even realizing it. Forever grateful for this newfound contribution from those ladies. Maybe more on this in a later post– something I want analyze more. It made me who I am today. I love who I am today.

Back to the story at hand– So, because these girls grew up with father’s with passions for motorcycles, their father’s passed this passion on to their daughters. I’m guessing because of their lack of sons. These father’s didn’t see male or female– they cared enough and saw an opportunity to share something with their daughters. These girls have no idea how lucky they are, or maybe some of them do. These girls are everything I want to be. I look up to these girls. But I also realize, they are also something I can never be. They rip on motorcycles, they’re not afraid of getting injured, they know how to work on their bikes without help from a male, they talk about how the bike works with males and don’t miss a beat. Plus, at the end of the day they’re beautiful women who also know how to own being a female.

My interactions with these girls leaves me feeling like I missed the boat. It leaves me feeling sad and maybe even a little bit jealous.

When I was younger, I remember we had a dirt bike video game on one of our consoles. I was very intrigued with it. It fueled a little flame in me that made me want to go out and learn to ride and wear the fascinating gear these guys did on the video game. I also, remember having one close boy friend that rode dirt bikes and his dad mentioning that I should come out with them some time and learn to ride. I remember having female friends whose families took frequent trips out to the desert to ride off-road vehicles and motorcycles and similarly, being invited occasionally.

IMG_9946But what I also remember guys, is my dad saying that I was girl. That I couldn’t do these things cause they were dangerous and they were boy hobbies. Meanwhile he didn’t mind that our favorite past time was watching football and baseball games. He never let me take these risks or try these new adventures for something I was very curious about. I really can’t fault him here because maybe the fact that motorcycles weren’t his passion and he didn’t know much about them fed into his lack of desire to want me to try this new activity.

I guess, my whole point of bringing up this topic and even dwelling over it the past month is because it brings up deeper things for me about how much our parents really effect the types of things were learn and the skills we are allowed to develop at a young age. I know that I will never be on the level of these girls when it comes to motorcycles, but not by choice– they have years of experience thanks to their dads. I am dipping my toes in the water and thanks to my husband and my job I am learning more every day about this industry and motorcycles. But, even so, my skill level remains basic, which leads to a fear of getting injured, I don’t understand parts of the motorcycle or how to work on them– anytime I try to understand it goes over my head. It all comes down to the lack of years being immerse in the motorcycle culture and industry. That is where I missed the boat. I know life isn’t fair and I am usually pretty good about not complaining– but honestly this is just one of those things that I find completely unfair and wish I could change. 

I thought about this in length because I don’t want my future kids to every have this feeling. Also, because I wonder if there are other people out their who feel similar. It’s pretty obvious that there are other people who feel this way about other things, right? Maybe this is what leads to a lot of unhappiness in others. This feeling of missing the boat and not being level with the peers that they admire most.

This is a completely new feeling for me. It’s weird.

 

 

One thought on “processing through new feelings. this is weird.

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