I am consistently doing that thing were you block memories from your past to try and erase them from your subconscious. A lot of dark stuff happened to me and around me, between my first childhood memories and the age of 18. I am currently living my best life and I have no need to think about the terrible things that shaped me into this new being. I’m sorry, the old Kelly can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, ’cause she’s dead!
I am pretty good at leaving these memories in the past except on occasion where a smell or song might take me back. Unfortunately, I have to relive a lot of the memories in my dreams at night. The version of events are usually confusing and dramatize.
Sleep continues to be my favorite pastime. Like for real, I love sleeping. The only time I don’t enjoy it though, is when I wake up in a panic thinking my nightmares are still my reality.
I woke up this morning completely baffled as to how I am 26, married to an amazing man and creating my own happiness on the daily. In my nightmare I was still dating an abusive boyfriend and my dad was trying to control my actions. I woke up my husband and asked him to hold me— I often do this after a nightmare. It reassures me that the demons of the past are not my new reality.
I want my past to stay in the past but my nightmares seem to be unavoidable.