This is kind of an inside joke my group of girl friends and I have had in the recent years. I grew up on a cul-de-sac in a small neighborhood for the first 15 years of my life. My parents had bought the house brand new. Themselves and all of the neighbors were moving in alongside each other. The next part is going to sound almost unbelievable. The lady next door was pregnant with twins as she was moving into the neighborhood and my mother was pregnant with me. When the time came, we were born only two weeks apart. Another family moved onto the block 3 years later, with a daughter who was born only two days before myself (same year and everything).
So now, you can understand the joke. None of us really chose to be friends, we just were. Here we are almost 27 years later. Through many ups, downs, moves, boyfriends, college and marriages, the four of us have still managed to stay friends. There have been periods of time where a couple of us were closer to one another than the others, the dynamic and alliances of the group have often shifted. Many other people have often came and gone from our group, but there is something about 27 years that keeps us all together.
It has always been a magically circumstance. I consider them the sisters I never had. It is something I have always considered myself lucky to have as I’ve watched other peoples friends dwindle down to one or zero.
Up until maybe the past 3 years, since I returned home from college I never considered a life without these girls. We all have our differences but it has never been so much that we would exile someone. The more and more we expand our lives separately, with husbands and kids (one of them just found out she is pregnant!), the more outlandish some of their ideals and ways of life become to me. Although, we have been friends for nearly 27 years we hardly have things in common as far as personalities and hobbies.
Coming to terms with this is hard because we are who we are and that shouldn’t matter. Freedom of opinion, ideals and choices is why we cherish being Americans. We have on occasion also made the statement, “If I had met you on my own in a different part of life— we probably wouldn’t be friends”. If they’re really my friends/sisters and I love them, I shouldn’t let these things get to me. I think for the most part what keeps us together is our common morals and knowing that we can count on each other no matter what. We have all been through a hell of a lot individually and no one has ever turned their back on one another completely. That in itself says a lot. These kind of people are hard to come by these days.
Until recently I have never considered the fact… WE CAN CHOOSE OUR FRIENDS.
Alongside this small group of friends I have also chose and made friends with many other people. These other friends I find, I have more things in common with. I don’t find myself biting my tongue during conversations. I can be more of myself around the friends I have chosen. This is the only reason why this subject comes to my mind. Sometimes I find myself enjoying more of my time with the friends I have actually chosen. This makes part of me feel bad… But why??
As we get older, I fear that we will become more distant and more different, especially as we begin to raise children and move onto different towns. This is something I never thought would happen. Here I was, as always being super naive. It is hard to come to terms with. Life changes. We all know this. This is part of the change, we choose who we want in and out of our lives.
We all just got together this past weekend with our husbands. It was great. I love these girls. The subject tends to weigh heavy on my heart. I don’t want to continue changing apart from them. I also don’t want to feel like I am compromising my own being. Is our bond truly as strong as I hope it will be? Do I want to choose differently? Who am I without these girls? Why do I even care about this so much?