I spent the past two days going through the California Motorcyclist Safety Program, with hopes of the end result being my motorcycle license.
Let’s start by my admitting that I am whatever the opposite of an adrenaline junky is called. Wimp? My husband makes fun of me all of the time. I hate doing anything that involves risky situations or fast speeds. I try to avoid these activities at all costs, with the exception of riding my dirt bike through the desert. Even then, I like to keep within my modest limits.
My work of course graciously paid for me to take these safety courses and also paid me for two days work while I was gone. How could I say no? One of the many perks of working for a motorcycle company. Now this is all well and exciting, except I didn’t pass the final evaluation of the riding test. Cue prolific blushing from embarrassment.
I have never failed at anything in my life. At least nothing that I can remember. Seriously not being dramatic here. My whole entire school career, Kindergarten to senior year of college, I never once received a Fail. I grew up playing sports and I always had the upper hand. I was always sought out by coaches to come play for them. I have excelled at every job I have held from Five Guys to accounting for a general contractor. Last month I completed and passed the course and test for my notary public certification. The list goes on and on.
I went and did something outside of my rhelm of knowledge and expertise. & now I feel like a complete failure TBH. After the first day of (1/2 day in the classroom, 1/2 day riding practice) courses I came home and I balled my eyes out. Literally like a 2 year old. I swore to my husband that I wasn’t going back for the 2nd day because it was so uncomfortable for me. Some how my sweet husband talked me into going the next day. I passed the written test. I went into the riding portion super confident. I felt like I finally understood how a bike worked, I rode better than I ever have before. But, they base your whole riding skills on an on the spot evaluation in front of the whole class at the very end of the two days. Did I mention I also get extremely nervous in high pressure settings?
The past two days have been mentally draining to say the least. I feel like I am now on this downward spiral of depressing thoughts. I’m a failure. I work for a motorcycle company but can’t even pass a street riding test. You should be so embarrassed. Why did you even put yourself through this? Onto of my internal negative feelings, I had to walk into work today and repeatedly tell people I didn’t pass. As if I wasn’t embarrassed enough for myself.
I’ve been trying to justify it in my head. I only got six hours on a style bike that I have never rode before (See bike here.). The bike was heavy and I never truly felt comfortable on it. The only thing I truly messed up on was putting my foot down during the low speed cone weave. The evaluation process was not really an ideal process for every one. All these thoughts just keep coming back in my head to, no you just suck, stop making excuses and take responsibility for your own personal failure.
Is getting out of your comfort zone really that good of a thing, like all these people and quotes are always professing? I mean I learned a lot from this experience as far as riding a motorcycle. This Winter in the desert I will for sure be way more experienced and comfortable on my dirt bike. But then there is also that part of me that never intends to leave my comfort zone again now that this has happened.