At least that is my new mind set. Here’s why…
Besides the fact that Summer is fading and we are slowing transitioning into a new season and the holiday months — tomorrow, September 15th, I celebrate my first wedding anniversary! We did it! September has a whole new meaning to me since our wedding. Not that much has changed since our union, we are still us, but it marks the before and after we decided to go full force and really commit to this relationship and love.
The first thing I want to say is that before my wedding, whenever people would boast about their wedding day being one of the best days of their lives, I honestly thought they were being dramatic and annoying. And then… I had my wedding day and it all made sense. My wedding was a dream come true and I can honestly say it was one of the best days of my life. Been going through pictures all week, getting tears in my eyes thinking about the day and the memories.
Of course I am going to be honest about the rest of the first year! None of this ooey gooey bullshit that people talk about. The honeymoon phase. Scott and I have been in a relationship for almost 8 years, we are well past that phase.
Marriage is hard. Marriage is easy. Marriage is whatever you make it. We received all sorts of advice going into our marriage and it was all great. Except for those people who said my best advice is don’t. Don’t get married. This year has been one of the most fun and adventurous years, but is has also been one of the most frictional. I have learned more about myself and my husband in the past 365 days than I have in the previous 2555 days of being with this person. My person.
Some key points from my first year of marriage:
- Loving someone too much is a thing. You can push some one away by loving them too much just as you can by not loving them enough. A good marriage knows that the love is always there but allows for a healthy amount of space.
- Not spending every freaking minute together is healthy for your marriage. You literally have the rest of your lives together, don’t lose yourself in the combining of two separate lives.
- When you hang out with other married people it is okay to talk about your marriage issues. It helps you feel normal. I can’t tell you how much time this past year me and my girl friends spent relating and laughing about similar marriage problems.
- Your spouse isn’t going to be happy all of the time. It has nothing to do with you most of the time. Don’t take it personal or think that they loves you less. But, also don’t be afraid to talk through emotions, disagreements and things that are on your mind with your spouse. Another cliche, but for real COMMUNICATION is essential.
- You have to learn when to give and when to take. Balance and compromise should be your mantra to stay sane and married. If you are always taking, your spouse won’t be happy — likewise if you are always giving, you won’t be happy.
- Figure out your life financial budget before you get married. This will be a huge help if you both have different spending habits. We combined accounts and did our budget before the wedding. We still have finance disagreements but it’s better to be one step ahead then three steps behind.
- At least wait a year to have kids. This doesn’t even need further explaining. The first year of marriage is intense and it takes some time to navigate. Adding children will make this more complicated.
- Say yes to every adventure that comes your way before you have kids. Even if some of those adventures don’t include your spouse. If you can afford to travel, go to concerts, have a girls weekend/spa day, party with your friends until the a.m., or whatever else you’ve always wanted to do, go freaking do it! You won’t regret these memories. I realize this isn’t even just marriage advice it is life advice!
With my last key point being more so life advice than marriage advice I will slide into the last thing I want to talk about. Going into my marriage, I told myself that just because I was getting married didn’t mean I was going to stop doing the things that I wanted to do as an individual. I knew that after a year we would talk about having kids and maybe start trying soon.
I made a promise to myself going into last September that I would say yes to every opportunity that came my way even if it was out of my comfort zone. Proud introvert, who needs amble alone time to recharge.
A brief recap on a few of the things I did this year that make me happy I didn’t say no — spent a week in Kauai, spent a week in Puerto Rico, went to concerts (Eric Church, The Offspring/Sum 41, Dashboard Confessional, Modest Mouse), ran 2 half marathons, brunched a lot, had a girls weekend in Santa Barbara, switched jobs, boated in the open ocean, visited my brother in Portland, joined a wine club, went to a beer festival on the beach, had a girls weekend in Lake Havasu and spent a lot of other fun times with friends.
Cheers, to seriously one of the best years of my life! It wouldn’t have been possible without my husband, but I will also pat myself on the back because I chose my path this year and my happiness.