To have kids or not to have kids… that is the question that has been presenting itself repeatedly in my mind among my other daily and monthly meandering thoughts.
As I roll into my last few months of being 26 it seems like the time to decide is now. I have several friends who are trying for, have just conceived and have just birthed tiny humans. I am not letting that pressure me. I just am so indecisive. I am scared to be honest.
Scared– because well, how will they affect our marriage? We are coming up on our first wedding anniversary, so that sends my mind into a flutter. My husband and I are still working out the kinks. We are still enjoying our quiet, silly moments, along with the loud, carefree ones.
There are recently frequent moments where I find myself in absolutely bliss and loving the freedom I get to enjoy on weekends and vacations that would probably not occur if we threw kids into the mix. Picture me drunk, floating in the lake, sunbathing– with not a care in the world except maybe whats for dinner.
Children would be a huge lifestyle change for us. I admit this year, I have been saying yes to every opportunity that comes my way to do fun things (concerts, vacations, girls weekends)– in hopes that may be next year will be the year that we can slow things down. I’ll admit I finally feel mature enough to do this.
Then there are our dogs. How much would children affect them? Is is weird that I am even thinking about their opinions on the matter? Would there be enough attention to go around? They’re my babes right now. They depend on me. Can I even handle another soul depending on me?! I have way too many open ended questions that I want answered. This is where the problem lies. Am I honestly over thinking this? OMG. Another question!
Will I ever feel like I am for sure ready and kids is the right decision for me? Most people tell me that you never just come to this conclusion one day, “You’re never ready”. If I only had a nickel for every time I have heard that in the past year. My logic is that I don’t think there will ever be a time, where I don’t think about having kids so that must mean I want them.. In 15 years I don’t see myself thinking– well, glad I dodged that bullet.
The only remedy right now for all of these rambunctious thoughts is our vacation coming at the end of October in the Caribbean. The threat of the Zika Virus will keep our reproduction trials at bay until afterward that adventure. Until then I’ll continue to sip on my weekend glass of rose, float the rest of this summer out in my inner tube and enjoy my freedom.